Sister Santa
by MerryFairy
Summary: A story based on the monologue "Sister Santa" by John Chevallier. In which Sealand, Sweden and Finland meet a bitter, teenaged mall Santa who wishes she could be anywhere else. And a side story in which Sealand asks his parents an interesting question. Just a bit of early Christmas fluff. Disclaimer: I don't own anything and a mix of human and country names are used. May be OOC.


**Sister Santa**

**[Disclaimer: I do not own the characters Finland, Sealand or Sweden nor do I own Sister Santa, she's the product of Jim Chevallier. He wrote the monologue this is based off. So this could be considered a cross-over. I've also used a mix of human names and country names. I have a head-cannon that Sealand, if adopted by Sweden and Finland, would go to a human school every now and then so he's used to being called "Peter".]**

The line for the mall Santa was long and the mall Santa herself looked quite interesting. Instead of a chubby adult male, the children were lining up for a buxom blonde in a scruffy and dishevelled fake beard and "sexy Santa" outfit which was toned down to a crimson knee-length dress and key-hole cut out accompanied by elbow long sleeves.

The teenage girl did not look amused whatsoever by her job and it would seem Peter's enthusiasm to meet her was grating on her last nerve. The bushy-browed child bounced up to her. 'Ho, ho, ho!' she laughed, a tad cynically. Peter tried not to judge her too harshly, unlike the children before her. He remembered her tendency to mock from the back of the line all too well. Maybe he had listened to Fin-Mama and gone to a different mall to take a photo with a different mall Santa.

They'd been pestering her with questions like: 'Is that beard really yours?'

To which she'd reply: 'No, I'm a _girl_ and as a general thing girls don't grow beards.'

'Is it weird that you're a female?'

To which she'd reply: 'No, there is nothing weird about a female Santa.' It was easy to see that the poor teenage girl was fraying with anger.

Peter bounded up onto the sleigh fixed onto a display with fake trees and fake snow and fake reindeer. 'Hello.' Peter offered with a childish grin.

'Hello, little boy.' the girl, "Sister Santa" said through gritted teeth. She shifted uncomfortably underneath Peter's weight. 'So, what,' she paused and muttered under her breath 'Totally unreasonable,' She smiled again and started again. 'Sorry, frog in my throat. So what would make you happy this year for Christmas?' she asked.

Finland was watching intently and listening intently too. He was losing respect for this Sister Santa with every note of discontent with her job which entered her whiny voice. Sweden didn't seem to have been miffed as the shorter blonde. He seemed to be content with a camera between his hands taking photos like a good father would. However, it was hard to tell with his fixated and rather intimidating glare at the mostly cheerful scene in front of them.

Peter's blue eyes sparkled with joy. 'Well Sissy Santa,' Peter began and Sister Santa's eye twitched when she was called that. It would seem that she truly getting close to the end of her temper. Finland could understand: he'd seen plenty of sticky-handed brats but not too many today. Surely she hadn't been here since the opening. If she, then he'd be even more sympathetic. But right now, he saw no reason for this Sister Santa to be so bitter. Besides, it was Christmas! How on earth could she be bitter about that?'

'I'd like a teddy bear for me and a teddy bear for Hanatamago – my dog – and I'd like Fin-Mama and Swe-Papa to be happy and everyone else I know to be happy and everyone I don't know to be happy! And I want everyone to be safe! And healthy! Even jerk-England!' Peter prattled off to the less-than-happy Santa Claus. She briefly wondered what a child his size could have against a country which produces lots of good things: like Doctor Who and Harry Potter and Sherlock Holmes and those British celebrities with adorable accents.

Finland looked so happy he could burst. He hadn't really asked Sealand what he wanted this year and if he did: the little boy always told him I want a surprise. He hadn't expected such a thoughtful wish. Finland had been certain that his adopted son would ask for ridiculous and selfish things. 'Take pictures, Berwald, quick!' Finland said and his partner began to take more pictures.

'Oh and I also want all the candy in the world and a massive train set which can be remote controlled! And I'd like all my classmates to get their favourite books or video games and I want Latvia to separate from Russia so he can be happier!' Peter was nearly shouting by this point. And he was doing it into Sister Santa's ear too. And there is was: the outlandish and outrageous requests Finland had been expecting.

These requests did not bode well with the teenager. She clamped a manicured hand over her small ear and began to cringe. She used her free hand to tear the beard from her face. Her mouth looked like it was the beginnings of a rash from the dirty white thing.

'Will there be anything else, boy? What about a plastic, moulded semi-automatic so you can imitate your favourite mad gunman? And what about one of those grotesque boy-dolls which crawl on their bellies and are armed to the teeth? And why stop at a remote control train when they've got those ugly tanks out on the market?' she yelled in a sarcastic tone.

All sympathy Finland had for this haggard, teenaged Santa Claus vanished from him. Anger painted his usually feminie features and transformed him into someone truly masculine and pissed off. He almost resembled England when he got mad. Sweden put his camera into his pocket and his hand onto his partner's shoulder. 'Wife, c'lm d'wn. Y've seen 'ow troublesome kids get 'round th's t'me of y'r. Jus' letta git it all out. She don' mean it.' Sweden mumbled and Finland stepped back a moment but it didn't seem like the girl was going to let up. And Peter was truly terrified on her lap.

'I don't even want to be here! It's either you little germ-donors or flipping Christmas burgers at the local take-out!' Sister Santa ranted. She seemed like a storm without end and was picking up momentum. 'I mean! I've got mid-terms next week and a female problem you kids are lucky you don't have to worry about!' Sister Santa continued and a few kids in the line were also sharing in Peter's petrified expressions and feelings. The parents accompanying the kids were uncomfortable and some had gone looking for help. Sister Santa probably wouldn't have to worry about her job for much longer.

'So what other greedy and totally unreasonable demands do you want to make of me! I'm just a girl!' Sister Santa wailed and a she frustrated tears were shed from her eye sockets.

'Y-You don't seem to like boys much do you?' Peter bravely, and a tad stupidly, asked.

'Where the hell did you get that from? I do NOT have a problem with MEN! What kind of shows do your parents let you watch, kid? When you grow up there're gonna be girls everywhere! Yeah! That's right we're even in the army!' she shouted. Hysteria was definitely building her voice and actions by this point.

Even though she was confined to a sleigh, she was making big hand movements to get across the point that she was feeling pissy. Hysteria was definitely settling in amongst the kids by this point as well. A few of the younger kids were crying their heads off. Sister Santa quietened down she heard their tears. She looked them in their eyes with scattered glances at each of them. 'Oh god, now I've gone and made the little booger-monsters cry. I'm sorry. But I quit. So get off me kid.'

Peter slid off Sister Santa and she got off her sleigh. 'I'm sorry kid. I'm just... not in the mood.' she muttered and walked past Peter and his parents. She felt extra bad now since she made a scene involving a minority's kid: the gay minority. Now she was even worse.

**Omake:**

Later that evening, the trio had retreated home and lounged around. Though Finland didn't quite have that luxury as he was in charge of dinner, like every night.

Soon they were seated at the table while Finland brought them bowls of stew. 'Hey, Fin-Mama,' Sealand began.

'Yes, dear?' Finland asked and got a peck on the cheek from Sweden as appreciation for the meal, this made him blush a little and this went unnoticed to Sealand who was staring at his meal eagerly.

'About what Sissy Santa said.'

'Don' worry 'bout her, son. She jus' 'ad a b'd day.' Sweden said.

'No, well, I'm not worried 'bout that per say but why aren't there many female countries? She said there'll be girls everywhere but there aren't many female countries. And when I grow up, I'll be like you two: bein' proper countries, doing paperwork and discussing global warming.'

'Now tha' ya mention it...' Sweden murmured. Off the top of his head he could only remember Hungary, Belgium and Seychelles as being female countries. Why weren't there more?

'That's a very a good question, Peter.' Finland said as he seated himself next to his adopted son. 'I don't know and I don't think there's an answer.'

**MerryFairy :)**

**[Welp, that happened. Sorry my fanfiction writing has been sub-par lately in my opinion but this is definitely leaning towards the better end of that scale. Merry Christmas – yes, I realise it's October/November when I posted this but it doesn't matter. Christmas joy is eternal – that was damn cheesy. And I'm sorry if its OOC or if I didn't get Sweden's accent right.]**


End file.
